Tag Archives: humour

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!

Happy (belated) Cinco de Mayo!

Cinco de Mayo, which means “sink full of mayonnaise” in Spanish, is the day of the year Mexicans take a few minutes to go through their fridges and throw away any jars of mayonnaise they find that are past their Best Before dates. Think of it as the alimentary equivalent of checking smoke detectors on Fall Back Day. Continue reading


Things Were Real Easy for Kids When I Was One

Many of the things that Paul talks about in his post “When I Was a Kid Things Were Tough” were pretty much the same when I was a kid but things were a whole lot rosier for me than Paul seems to remember from his childhood. Don’t get me wrong—I’m a huge fan of Paul Johnson. Not only can he string a bunch of words together and make them sound both interesting and entertaining but he has a woolly crop of hair and the original number of chins God gave him. Before you get the wrong impression I’d just like to say that this post is not about Paul’s scalp being almost completely hidden from public view but about how great things were when I was a kid and I wouldn’t hold his deprived second-rate childhood against him for a second. Because I’m older than Paul, I was young before him and in those Good Old Days there probably was a different socio-pulmonary context which made me being a kid seem like a breeze. Maybe Paul’s unfortunate recollections are the result of the times he grew up in or maybe he was one of the kids two blocks over I used to pick on when I was a teenager, I just don’t know.

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I Have a Couple of Groundhog Day Questions…

WTF? A groundhog in a tree? Does this mean we can expect six weeks of flooding?

WTF? A groundhog in a tree? Does this mean we can expect six weeks of flooding?

First of all, I don’t know if you’re supposed to say this but “Happy Groundhog Day”. I can never remember if people expect me to greet them with a  “Happy Groundhog Day” or maybe a “Merry Groundhog Day” or whatever. What’s the protocol? Is today one of those special participation-optional holidays that gets a couple of minutes on the news but people who are not directly involved in groundhog wrangling and/or showmanship are not obligated to do anything at all and no one calls them Scrooge? Continue reading


What To Do When Your Back Is Against The Wall

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“The Italian Wall” is a bane to The Redneck Princess. From this angle it doesn’t look to me like a major eyesore but the imposition of obstructions can be vexing to those who for many years have had the benefit of scenic vistas.
Photo courtesy TheRedneckPrincess.net… if “courtesy” means that I snagged it off her site without her express permission.

Welcome back, boys and girls, to Uncle HoaiPhai’s problem solving club!

This week we will be tackling a problem The Redneck Princess is having with her neighbours in Abbottabad Abbotsford, BC — a problem so vexing to her that she has written at least twice about it on her own blog, here and here.

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Revenge Inc. Part II: The Settling of Accounts

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Revenge is never pretty (but it can be quite satisfying).

Last week in Revenge Inc. I made my readership an offer they couldn’t refuse. I don’t want to say that the vast majority of them refused my offer because should anything sudden and unfortunate happen to them a coroner’s inquest could infer that I might have a “motiva uvam acerbam” [sour grapes motive]. So, to be on the safe side, let’s just say that only two of them accepted my most generous offer.

Let’s dive right in and solve some problems!

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Revenge Inc.

Oops!

Oops! That’s a shame. How’d it happen?

Life can be frustrating, what with all the obstacles that it keeps throwing in our paths, but we have to remain philosophical… what choice do we have? I mean it’s frigging life we’re talking about here… it always wins in the end so we’re pretty much screwed. But when it is another person who is making things difficult for us, well, that’s a different story.

We could, I suppose, reason with the person causing us problems to achieve an equitable outcome but diplomacy tends to put us back into the position we were in before hostilities began and ignores compensation for any wrongs, real or perceived, done to us. This is where retaliation shows itself to be the better, more just, and more satisfying solution to many of life’s little problems. Continue reading


Update to “Feline Genital Mutilation”

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NeoVegan has what in the trunk of her car?

For those of you who have not yet read “Feline Genital Mutilation”, here’s basically what it was about… Continue reading


The Be Your Own Boss Kit

We all need to feel useful, don’t we? One of the things that validates us is having a good job and that’s why being unemployed is so stressful, even if finances are not an immediate concern. If you know someone who’s out of work and want to really stick it to them and don’t mind hitting below the belt, start talking about their employment situation. I know how devastating it can be because I was once on the receiving end of the dreaded “Job Talk”. Continue reading


Feline Genital Mutilation

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Here’s a shot of “Felix” (I think it’s a “he”… it looks fairly butch but I have never had the opportunity to play peek-a-boo with its toilet area so I cannot be positive). He used to hang around my backyard giving me dirty looks while he peed on my Greek oregano but I haven’t seen him in a while. I don’t know what happened to him. Honestly.

I generally like animals but the arrogant guy in the photo above repeatedly turned his nose up at my attempts to make friends with him. Because of his insults I used to do little things to annoy him, like make noises to cause his cat ear automatic tracking reflex to kick in when he was trying to make me notice how completely he was ignoring me. Anyways, I once mentioned to someone that I thought it would be a funny, funny prank if I were to trap Felix, ship him off to Sweden for a quick sex change operation, and then, after an appropriate convalescence (his, not mine), release him back into the neighbourhood wearing a collar engraved with the feminine version of his name (Felicia) and maybe a couple of frilly pink ribbons attached to him somewhere. This would not only be a lovely trick to play on old Felix but also on Felix’s human family who would be left wondering where Felix had been for the past month or two, who bought the collar for Him, and where Felix’s reproductive gadget went. Continue reading


I’ve Been Deemed “Awesome At Awarding Awards”!

About a week ago, The Hobbler named me as a recipient of her “Awesome At Awarding Awards” award. In case you are unfamiliar with this award, it is retaliatory in nature… you get it because you have given someone else a blog award. Think of it as a form of blogospheric payback.

While I love getting blog awards (who doesn’t like a little pat on the back every once in a while?), I’m not a big fan of having to jump through the flaming hoops set up as part of the whole deal, such as passing them on to others. I have two main reasons for this…
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