Revenge Inc.

Oops! That’s a shame. How’d it happen?

Life can be frustrating, what with all the obstacles that it keeps throwing in our paths, but we have to remain philosophical… what choice do we have? I mean it’s frigging life we’re talking about here… it always wins in the end so we’re pretty much screwed. But when it is another person who is making things difficult for us, well, that’s a different story.

We could, I suppose, reason with the person causing us problems to achieve an equitable outcome but diplomacy tends to put us back into the position we were in before hostilities began and ignores compensation for any wrongs, real or perceived, done to us. This is where retaliation shows itself to be the better, more just, and more satisfying solution to many of life’s little problems.

Update to “Feline Genital Mutilation”

NeoVegan has what in the trunk of her car?

For those of you who have not yet read “Feline Genital Mutilation”, here’s basically what it was about…

The Be Your Own Boss Kit

We all need to feel useful, don’t we? One of the things that validates us is having a good job and that’s why being unemployed is so stressful, even if finances are not an immediate concern. If you know someone who’s out of work and want to really stick it to them and don’t mind hitting below the belt, start talking about their employment situation. I know how devastating it can be because I was once on the receiving end of the dreaded “Job Talk”.

Feline Genital Mutilation

Here’s a shot of “Felix” (I think it’s a “he”… it looks fairly butch but I have never had the opportunity to play peek-a-boo with its toilet area so I cannot be positive). He used to hang around my backyard giving me dirty looks while he peed on my Greek oregano but I haven’t seen him in a while. I don’t know what happened to him. Honestly.

I generally like animals but the arrogant guy in the photo above repeatedly turned his nose up at my attempts to make friends with him. Because of his insults I used to do little things to annoy him, like make noises to cause his cat ear automatic tracking reflex to kick in when he was trying to make me notice how completely he was ignoring me. Anyways, I once mentioned to someone that I thought it would be a funny, funny prank if I were to trap Felix, ship him off to Sweden for a quick sex change operation, and then, after an appropriate convalescence (his, not mine), release him back into the neighbourhood wearing a collar engraved with the feminine version of his name (Felicia) and maybe a couple of frilly pink ribbons attached to him somewhere. This would not only be a lovely trick to play on old Felix but also on Felix’s human family who would be left wondering where Felix had been for the past month or two, who bought the collar for Him, and where Felix’s reproductive gadget went.

My All-time Favourite Models (with a Side of Fractalius)

Mrs. HoaiPhai has beautiful eyes, and this is the nicer of the two.

I love taking photos of just about everything but by far the most daunting subjects are people and other living creatures. They also happen to yield the most rewarding images if everything works out. My problem with living subjects is twofold…

1. Living subjects tend to move occasionally and I have a leisurely photographic technique and slow reflexes, and…
2. I hate having my own picture taken so I imagine that my subjects are similarly photophobic, causing me to feel uncomfortable imposing myself on them (even if they’ve requested me to photograph them).

Linda Evangelista, Heidi Klum, and Cindy Crawford are professional models and are good-looking (no, not all models are attractive) but they have nothing on my own favourite amateur models. What makes a good model, in my opinion, is someone who…

My Response to “100 Reasons Not to Look at Porn”

Well, with exactly what kind of photo did you expect me to head off a post about pornography? Did you really think I would risk my blog’s more-or-less good standing as being family-friendly by having a nudie shot right up top for everyone to see? Anyway, a shaggy dog seems quite appropriate considering this post weighs in at around 8,000 words. Don’t worry, it’s long but fairly painless — most of it is in numbered point form.

I was sniffing around the interwebs and came across several references to what looks like a now-defunct comment thread entitled, “100 Reasons Not to Look at Porn”. As near as I can figure it, this page dates back to February of 2010 and was part of a site that had been around since at least as far back as 2007. TeensAgainstPorn.com described itself thus:

“Teens Against Pornography is an online community where teens who are struggling with sexual purity can seek advice, prayer, and support.”

My best guess is that the page was put up as a project for a church’s youth group that had a number of members struggling with resisting temptation to look at porn. Apparently someone came up with the idea that the group’s members could support each other in their quest to become porn-free by sharing their own private reasons for thinking that staring at porn is not the best way to spend time. I guess they opted for an on-line forum to discuss this issue instead of bringing it up at meetings because…

Champix (a.k.a. Chantix) Helped Me Get Off My Butts

This is the last actual ashtray I ever used. I picked it up at a truck stop a couple of years ago and was struck by the ironic symbolism of the chain encircling it, a commentary on how its owner is a slave to his/her addiction. I also bought it because it looks kind of funky and was ½-off.

WARNING: This post relates my most recent attempt at quitting smoking. Reading it will likely cause smokers to cringe, ex-smokers to break out in their own quitting-smoking narratives, and non-smokers to wonder what all the fuss is about.

This winter I stopped smoking.

Five little words but I already have two things to explain. The first thing is that unlike a lot of people who say they have “quit”, I prefer to use the word “stop” because I’ve gone through denying myself cigarettes for long periods of time before — sometimes for  years — only to go back to smoking, and I’ve done that more than once. Judging from my own personal past experience, “stopped” is a probably a more accurate description of my present status but if I ever upgrade my confidence that I’ll never ever become an “addicto smoker” again, I’ll let you know and proclaim that I have quit. I know avoiding the standard word “quit” sounds non-committal and weasely but, frankly, I feel that I’m just being cautiously realistic.

What I Did on My Christmas Vacation

Every year the residents of this St. Catharines, Ontario road go all-out with the Christmas decorations. The street’s actual name is Rio Lane but it will always be Griswald Avenue to me.

I know what you must be thinking… “We’re into June and HoaiPhai is just getting around to doing his Christmas post-game show. He must have had one hell of a vacation!” The short answer to that question, which if you were paying attention you would have realized wasn’t even a question in the first place, is “yes and no”.

Gone are the days when I’d go to a New Year’s Eve party and sometime around the middle of February wake up in a ditch penniless and hungover with a new crop of cold sores and my pants on backwards. This Christmas wasn’t one for the record books in that sense but, hey, I only got two extra days off work this year.

Last-minute Christmas Gift Ideas for Bad Little Boys and Girls

Even with Christmas right around the corner and Santa ramping up his reindeer-prod battery recharging schedule, some of you still have not finished your Christmas shopping. I know I haven’t.

Chances are you’ve already bought stuff for the people who are semi-close to you, like your alcoholic yet surprisingly-still-single drinking buddies or the gals in your Stitch ‘n’ Bitch Quilt Club & Coffee Clutch. Acquaintances like these tend not to be too particular when it comes to being on the receiving end of free stuff and even if they don’t like your gift, who cares? It’s not like your world would fall apart without these marginal individuals cluttering up your social calendar.

Buying something meaningful for spouses and/or partners is a completely different story. It’s a bit more of a challenge to shop for people you truly care about who might read into a poorly chosen gift a lack of effort or even a lack of love for them. There are three different shopability profiles for that complimentary component in your love life…

I’ve Been Deemed “Awesome At Awarding Awards”!

About a week ago, The Hobbler named me as a recipient of her “Awesome At Awarding Awards” award. In case you are unfamiliar with this award, it is retaliatory in nature… you get it because you have given someone else a blog award. Think of it as a form of blogospheric payback.

While I love getting blog awards (who doesn’t like a little pat on the back every once in a while?), I’m not a big fan of having to jump through the flaming hoops set up as part of the whole deal, such as passing them on to others. I have two main reasons for this…